An essential element to good communication is active listening. Active listening should be the number one skill every one of us should master. If not mastered, then we should be working to improve our active listening skill.
Sadly, to say, active listening is not a skill we have at birth. We leave our mother’s womb kicking, screaming. At birth we have two base desires: food and comfort. When our parents meet those needs, we are quiet and happy. Over the following months and years our communication becomes more complex.
From my teenage years on into my mid-thirties, my level of communication could be explained in one simple saying. “Take one mouth. Take one foot. Insert foot into mouth.” It seemed no matter what I said, I was getting in trouble or getting misunderstood.
The harder I tried the more problems I created. I was not getting what the message other were trying to say to me. I was relying on my own perception of the conversation. A large part of my problem was I was not listening to what other people were saying to me.
It was not until I got into therapy with this one therapist. This therapist introduced me to mirroring. Mirroring is an element of Active Listening. Mirroring starts out listening to what another person says. The next step is to repeat back by rephrasing what was said to me. If my feedback was correct: Great. If my feedback was not correct, they would restate what they had said.
Through these steps, I learned I was not listening to every part of what was being said to me. I listened to only the first few words, then started forming my response. I had to slow down and listen to everything being said. If I didn’t understand what they said, I needed to ask for clarification.
As time went on, I advanced from repeating what I was said to listening to the whole sentence or statement. Think what was said, and then respond. Then I had to learn how to form a response with what was said to me.
Over a period of time, I realized I needed help to practice active listening on a regular basis. I found the perfect place. That was within the Toastmasters organization. I found I could take my active listening skills to the next level. In Toastmasters, the giver of a speech gets feedback through evaluation of those present. The individual given the evaluation changes from meeting to meeting. Thus forcing the giver of an evaluation to practice and improve on their active listing skills.
In Part 2, I will look at how active listening with characters in cinema, and books make for a good story realistic.
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